臺北市新住民專區網站英文版

By So-Song Chang, Part-Time Assistant Professor, National Open University

Children are continuously evolving beings. They go through ups and downs in life, and learn from the mistakes they made. And throughout the learning process, children always maintain a beautiful heart that strive for what is good. 

Scenario 1: Martin works hard and earn the second highest grade in class, but when he happily shows his grade to his parents, they only ask, “Who’s in first place?” So, Martin works even harder and scores 99 points on his report card, which makes him number one in his class. However, when he shows his report card to his parents, they ask him, “Why isn’t it 100? What happened to the missing 1 point?”

Scenario 2: Mary, who loves drawing, shows her artwork that won an award in an exhibition to her parents. Mary say, “Mom and dad, I won an Excellence Award!” But instead of praising Mary, her parents reply, “This is mediocre. It’s too dark there, and you missed a spot here. If I was the judge, I won’t give this award to you.”

In the eyes of picky parents, doesn’t matter how hard their children work, they can always pick out their children’s issues and where is lacking. Parents might think they have to point out the faults and demand for perfection to help children improve, and their demands are for the good of the children. However, do your children really have no merit at all? Don’t your children’s hard work and achievements deserve praises? It is only when parents are willing to accept their children’s inadequacy that children will have the courage to display their talent. It is only when parents are willing to take the good of their children to heart, that children will have the desire to chase after their dreams.

Having a Merit Bulletin and a Weekly Merit Report at home is a way to help family members keep each other’s good works in mind. 
How Merit Bulletin works:
1. Continuous approval: “You did a good job writing so neatly.
2. Give big praises: “Good job on improving from 57 to 60 on your test.
3. Give genuine praises as a habit: “Your drawing is so vivid.”
Put all the little things your child done well on your family bulletin board.

How Weekly Merit Report works:
Organize a family meeting every week, and each member of the family needs to take turn and point out a merit of the other family members. For example, “Martin did a great job mopping the living room floor.” “Mary helped mom wash dishes without being asked.” “I saw mom and dad checking each room before going to bed to make sure everyone is tucked in,” Try to see the merits of your family members, and proactively affirm your childre’s efforts. 

People are far better at picking out faults of other people than finding their merits. We don’t need to work on our skill at finding faults, we need to transfer that skill into finding our children’s good works. Dear parents, when your children did something good, you need to seize the moment and praise them. Even if those things are only small progress or little things, you still need to affirm their actions. Wise parents, starting today, let’s build up your family together by keeping your family’s good merits on your mind, and stop begrudging their faults. When parents start remembering their children’s merits, children will also respond in kind and remember their parents’ goodness.