臺北市新住民專區網站英文版

By So-Song Chang, Part-Time Assistant Professor, National Open University

    Everyone knows, it is important to clean sewers, otherwise when the rain comes, puddles will form and might even lead to flooding. Everyone knows, it is important to keep your colon clean and have regular bowel movements, otherwise an intestinal blockage could lead to stomachache or constipation. Family relationship is the same. Communication between family members should be frequent and remain open, especially between parents and children. When communication is lacking or ineffective, it will lead to misunderstandings, quarrels, and worse yet, family conflicts. Dear parents, parent-child communication is the bridge to understanding your children.

    We discovered many adolescent students often get good math grades in elementary school, or at least have normal performances. However, when they arrived in senior high schools, their math grade would often drop. Peter is a such example. Peter, a 7th grader, scored 49 on his first math exam as a junior high school student. That night, Peter asked his father/mother to sign the test sheet...

    Most of the parents when they see such a low test score, their reaction is usually surprised and worried. Furthermore, they would often say, “What’s wrong with you, scoring so low on your exam?” But we have to understand, Peter is actually just as sad, ashamed, afraid and uneasy himself. Parents should put themselves in Peter’s shoes and comfort Peter with empathy. They can say, “We’re just as disappointed as you with the test score. You don’t have to feel discouraged from one failure.” Or, “The test score is unexpected, buy I know you did your best.” 

    When Peter's father/mother picked up the pen and is about to sign the test, he/she couldn’t help but scold, "It's not that I love to yell at you, but what are you going to do with a grade like this?” If parents can feel how their children feel inside, then the words they choose to communicate might be like this, “Peter, I care a lot about your grades, but you’re responsible for your own grades.” or “I don’t blame you, but you have to know, this grade makes me worry.” 

    Peter’s father/mother signed the test with anger, nervousness, and embarrassment, shook his/her head and said, “You should spend more time on your schoolwork instead of watching TV and playing with your cell phone!” If parents can communicate without frustrating their children or even better, motivate them, parents should say, “Peter, I think we should discuss how to solve the problem of failing your test.” or “if you can put more time into reviewing after school, I believe you’ll improve next time.” 

    “How to say” is more important than “what to say.” When parents can feel how their children are feeling, the language and attitude parents use to communicate will show empathy and will be more effective. When parents and their children can communicate and be connected, children are more likely to be forgiven by their parents and receive more care and positive expectations, which will incentivize children to work harder. Dear parents, communicating with empathy is warm, healing, and rejuvenating!